Where is the
rest of you?
Not so long ago, I was experiencing a particularly confusing period in my life. Afraid of failure, I was hyper-focused on repairing a relationship which I had not even begun building yet. So, my 2000-rupees-per hour therapy sessions were spent going through each interaction with my partner with a fine-tooth comb. 12 sessions in, my therapist asked me to pause mid-session. I was convinced that she wanted me to go over the details, so I revised the notes and scales I’d meticulously preserved in my memory. Instead, she proceeded to ask me, ‘Where’s the rest of you?’ I couldn’t believe it. It’s like she was pointing at the red-haired elephant in the room when I’d quietly accepted its company. ‘Where’s the rest of you?’ she asked again when I squinted my eyes. Maybe if I pretended to be partially blind, she’d let him stay.
The frustrating thing about people is, we have this extraordinary affinity towards other people and consequently, to figuring out what it means to be around them. That, by itself, is neither unhealthy nor uncommon. However, 25-year-old Sriparna did not drag 8-year-old, 13-year-old, and 18-year-old Sriparna to therapy to do just that. 8-year-old Sriparna was carried to therapy in the middle of an anger outburst following a lost crayon. 13-year-old Sriparna was coaxed into therapy in the middle of a relentless stare-till-you cry game with the mirror. And 18-year-old Sriparna was hauled into therapy in the middle of a profound existential crisis. How we ended up there is a story for a longer afternoon with little less to do. But before that afternoon comes, here I am, looking for the rest of me. And as we cross paths, I hope to meet the rest of you, too.
I write to remember. I write to forget. I write to love. I also write to detach. Apart from having an interesting relationship with the ‘rest of me,’ I also happen to have an amusing relationship with words. I hold onto them like roots do to earth, and I wriggle them around to create space like worms do to rain-soaked soil. I use this website to do that and a lot more – because how else do you stitch words together if not through stories?
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